I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Porn is love you can see.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Nicole vs. Life
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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