matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
