Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
