So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
