There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
