I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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