Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
