Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The air was thick with penises
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
