I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Sober January is a disaster.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
