glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Your dad touched me again.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
