just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
how drunk are you?
Several
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
