a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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