Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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