There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
