I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
