"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
