I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
