She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
