Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
