I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
