dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
