Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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