I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
