I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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