His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
