if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
