I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
