I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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