You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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