I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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