i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
