i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
