you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
