The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
