hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
