I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
