Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
