Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
