do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
