Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
