toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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