I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
