Sry I called you an 8
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
