Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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