Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
