I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
