I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
