god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
