I'm really into asian looking animals
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
