i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
