I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
