dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
