You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
