I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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