we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
