New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
