I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
