Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
