Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
