i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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