i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
only you would photoshop your dick
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
