kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
