He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
