Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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